Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
