Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
