tell your sister to shave her snatch
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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