so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
