Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
