My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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