I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
