adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
