Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We left an ass print on the piano.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
