You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
