I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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