He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
