moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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