I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
