there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
