if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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