Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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