Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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