Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
