dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
