So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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