I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
