dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
