She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
