M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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