I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We had sex on a dog bed..
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
