Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
