Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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