I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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