just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize