I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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