I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
