I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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