Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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