Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
