if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
