My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
