I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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