Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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