i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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