I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
