this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she pinky promised me she was 18
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
