there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
