so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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