I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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