I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
