It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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