hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize