I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
