i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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