We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
