Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
