After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
