I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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