I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
