HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
