I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
