i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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