I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
