shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Can you bring me the toilet please
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
