I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
