So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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