i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
