Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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