he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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