you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
