pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
