my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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