Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
